As the wall of the Sepirot drew closer, Mariska examined it carefully. Here is where her true soul-form would be exposed. The experience was like that of walking up to the inside of a crystalline sphere coated in some kind of reflective material. Down where the 'ground' within the Sepirot met the wall, it wavered as if water-like. The sky arced up and inwards, back towards where she had come from and out of sight behind the clouds of the Sepirot's 'sky'. It too rippled and sparkled in the light of the Sepirot's 'sun'.
Her own reflected image was broken and distorted from this distance by the ripples. An excitement filled her with a breathless, joyful, anxiety. She would see her true soul-form finally. Something very few others ever managed in an entire six generations of the Clan. It was said that once she witnessed her own form, she would also gain a second sight. The truth peeled away the faded cloak of physical reality. She would from then one be able to see other's true forms. The ability to decern their very nature would be hers.
The closer she got the more clear and less distorted the reflections. Body parts winked in and out between the ripples. Her pace slowed. What she started to see was not what she expected, at all. Her heartbeat quickened. Shallow quick breaths built into deeper and heavier huffs of agitation and anger. She fought with the denial.
This was the truth! But... How?!
She gazed at the filmy water-like wall for a long time struggling with the reality shown therein. While the rhythmic ripples still marred an otherwise perfect reflective surface from time to time, she was close enough that it didn't distort the reflection as much anymore. The reality behind her repeated itself in reverse. Her image blinked back at her showing more then just an outward reflection. Mariska could she her blended soul-form in that surface just like the elders promised. But it hurt to see it.
Human... and wolf.
Her years of study and everything her caste elders taught her suddenly meant nothing. She was supposed to see her own reflection with a second overlaid image of the wolf because she wore its lifeless skin. The bond-vessel only retained a spiritual reflection because of the soul bond from the human side. A hybrid human-wolf wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't allowed. Such beings went insane because of the duel consciousnesses which fought for control. Two souls inhabited one body was a living death. But her reflection showed an imperfectly blended hybrid.
That meant something far less pleasant. Her soul-bond was never a wolf pelt, nor a newly slain beast. Mariska shuddered. It meant she was soul-bonded to an actual living wolf.
She should not exist.